My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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