I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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