I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
