kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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