So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
