I cockslap morals
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
