Say something about gay babies.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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