You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
