The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
