I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
