I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
