the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize