dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
