we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
