EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
