I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
