I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize