The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
