Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
