Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
