sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
