cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
