On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
