Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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