oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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