today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
did you just send me my own nude
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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