he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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