You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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