Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
