Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
