I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
