apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
