Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
