oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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