AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
