What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
