if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
...so i touched it.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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