I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
