ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize