I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
