So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
