if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
