I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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