So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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