Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
