Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize