no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
