Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
