i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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