Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
