why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
