the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He passed out mid-signature
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
