He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
