I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize