After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
