Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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