I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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