You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I smell like Dick and happiness
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
