This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
