i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
