I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We smell like vodka and hangover
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