Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
