It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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