I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
