that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Say something about gay babies.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize