Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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