shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
