i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We don't watch enough power rangers
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Two words: nipple clamps
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