We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
